hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
