The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
two words...techno handjob
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
