he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
No more Irish car bombs ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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