you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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