did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Best friends brother. Beat that.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
