i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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