can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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