Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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