Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
