It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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