she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
