don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
