Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
