You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
