Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Hippo gnu deer
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
