So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
