I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
