have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
