I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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