Who wears a wallet chain?!
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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