You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
