So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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