My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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