we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
