I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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