Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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