If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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