Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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