I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
