no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
