my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
