Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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