also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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