AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
