it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
