yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
