i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
