Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
