can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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