Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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