Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
