That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
