I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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