if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
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