That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
