wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
