k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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