Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
If that was your dad, he is hot
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
