This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
