There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You took a bar mat shot.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
