I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
